Life is determined to teach you something new. Either that, or just simply knock the wind out of your sails.
I had my mind set on writing about my great ideas and experiences, but two things happened yesterday that really made me feel, well, unoriginal. First was that I have come across a number of moms who have started blogs since having kids. I really knew that, just never bothered to google it. But sometimes the reality of it hits a little harder. My ideas aren't original. The only thing really original are the experiences I have, because every woman has a different pregnancy, and every child is unique in how the grow and learn. Such is the variety and spice of life.
The other thing that stopped me was a co-worker returned from three months of maternity leave. Talking with her, really made me feel like that I'm only a beginner myself in this journey and I really don't have any earth-shattering advice to give her. We shared a few stories, certainly. We talked a lot about hormones and how they affect your emotions - and how it's just so darn easy to cry. That one still bothers, me, but I"m getting better. When I returned to work, I cried every day when I left my baby with either my husband or our nanny. I was surprised if I had any make-up left when I got to work some days - and that was when I was able to work two days from home!!
One thing I can say, that changed me, and I can't say how this affects other women who return to work (whether they want to or have to), is my priorities certainly changed. Before, things revolved around having to work and make a living. I had slowed on the drive to obtain a particular level of position, but I still had determination to reach a level of salary. After having my baby - I could really care less about all that, and it surprised me. I had no desire to go back to work. In fact, begged my husband to be able to stay home. Couldn't afford it. My entire attitude changed about work - and it's probably evident to some degree. I come to work and live to get everything done so I can go home to my baby! I feel every minute spent at the office is a minute stolen from my precious, little one and it hurts.
What is it like for those that WANT to return to work? I have no idea. Do they go through some of the same tears, withdrawl, guilt, upset, anger, anything? I sometimes still feel some of those emotions leaving Leah. I know she is in good hands, and we are very blessed with the care arrangement we have - I couldn't hhave asked for better. But I still want to be the one at home playing, teaching, reading, dressing, feeding - doing all those things a mother should be able to do with her baby. It's a rotten world we live in that makes it tough on mothers to stay at home and raise their children. Actually, this is "old fashioned" thought, as it seems more rare than normal. So sad. I don't want to get into a diatribe about society, politics/governement or anything like that. As the saying goes, it's just the way it is.
Sorry to ramble in this post and struggling with a central focus. For those out there, who have some of these same struggles I've mentioned here, then know you aren't alone. Some are able to overcome all the hormones and emotions of pregnancy quickly; I think I was slower, just because I'm older, and my body is likely about past its "use by" date. And, ff you are one of those mom's that have to work, then it's what you need to do to support your family - and that's important. This is just another step in our journal, another day
I had my mind set on writing about my great ideas and experiences, but two things happened yesterday that really made me feel, well, unoriginal. First was that I have come across a number of moms who have started blogs since having kids. I really knew that, just never bothered to google it. But sometimes the reality of it hits a little harder. My ideas aren't original. The only thing really original are the experiences I have, because every woman has a different pregnancy, and every child is unique in how the grow and learn. Such is the variety and spice of life.
The other thing that stopped me was a co-worker returned from three months of maternity leave. Talking with her, really made me feel like that I'm only a beginner myself in this journey and I really don't have any earth-shattering advice to give her. We shared a few stories, certainly. We talked a lot about hormones and how they affect your emotions - and how it's just so darn easy to cry. That one still bothers, me, but I"m getting better. When I returned to work, I cried every day when I left my baby with either my husband or our nanny. I was surprised if I had any make-up left when I got to work some days - and that was when I was able to work two days from home!!
One thing I can say, that changed me, and I can't say how this affects other women who return to work (whether they want to or have to), is my priorities certainly changed. Before, things revolved around having to work and make a living. I had slowed on the drive to obtain a particular level of position, but I still had determination to reach a level of salary. After having my baby - I could really care less about all that, and it surprised me. I had no desire to go back to work. In fact, begged my husband to be able to stay home. Couldn't afford it. My entire attitude changed about work - and it's probably evident to some degree. I come to work and live to get everything done so I can go home to my baby! I feel every minute spent at the office is a minute stolen from my precious, little one and it hurts.
What is it like for those that WANT to return to work? I have no idea. Do they go through some of the same tears, withdrawl, guilt, upset, anger, anything? I sometimes still feel some of those emotions leaving Leah. I know she is in good hands, and we are very blessed with the care arrangement we have - I couldn't hhave asked for better. But I still want to be the one at home playing, teaching, reading, dressing, feeding - doing all those things a mother should be able to do with her baby. It's a rotten world we live in that makes it tough on mothers to stay at home and raise their children. Actually, this is "old fashioned" thought, as it seems more rare than normal. So sad. I don't want to get into a diatribe about society, politics/governement or anything like that. As the saying goes, it's just the way it is.
Sorry to ramble in this post and struggling with a central focus. For those out there, who have some of these same struggles I've mentioned here, then know you aren't alone. Some are able to overcome all the hormones and emotions of pregnancy quickly; I think I was slower, just because I'm older, and my body is likely about past its "use by" date. And, ff you are one of those mom's that have to work, then it's what you need to do to support your family - and that's important. This is just another step in our journal, another day